COOL CATALONIANS

While London has a severe case of Polynesiaphilia (six Tiki bars opened there this year alone) and Hamburg, Oslo, and even Moscow show signs of infection, Barcelona has long been Europe’s most Tikified city.  And Kahala has long been it’s most Tikified bar.

The Beachbum’s host during a recent Barcelona visit, Ivan “Bastardo Saffrin” Castro, filled us in:  “You know why Kahala has such good decor?  In the 1970s there were 12 Tiki bars in Barcelona, and the owners used to play poker together.  And they bid with their Tikis.  And Nicolas, the owner of Kahala, was a very good poker player.”  The decor is indeed impressive, from the jungle lagoon foyer — whose wooden bridge takes you over a babbling brook past temple ruins — to the artfully lit friezes adorning the bar, where each drink is served in a different bespoke Tiki mug, many dating back to Kahala’s opening day in 1971.

Kahala served Cantonese food until 1977, but stopped when actual Chinese restaurants began popping up in Barcelona.  Encouraged by the global Tiki Revival, Nicolas has restored Kahala to a full-service restaurant.  His new chef, Santi Lafonfioni, offers a luau that starts with classic pupus, done to a turn, followed by a whole roast suckling pig, and a show-stopping dessert tray featuring a delectable Fog Cutter Mousse and mini Easter Island moais made of Portuguese marzipan.

After pausing to admire Nicolas’s Tikified Harley parked on the sidewalk (complete with coconut headlight housings), we headed across town to Barcelona’s newest Tiki bar, Tahití (pictured above).  The boxy room is short on decor but long on aloha.  Alberto and Vasco, the friendly, enthusiastic bartenders, serve every drink with a smile — and a flaming sugar cube.

One thousand eyes watched us stumble to our next bar.  They were all affixed to the walls of Ohla Hotel, whose surreal exterior presaged the Cocteau-esque drinks of Max La Rocca and Giuseppe Santamaria, the team behind Ohla’s Boutique Bar.   Working side by side with serene economy of movement and a limpid, almost feline grace, Max and Guiseppe served us a progression of increasingly complex setpieces:  a Deconstructed Negroni with kumquat jelly … a Rhubarb Crusta … a Gin Mai Tai topped with cherries soaked in Port, Dubonnet, vanilla sugar and bitters … a tripartite cocktail called Three Is The Magic Number, with three base spirits, three bitters, and three sweeteners, all bound together with chocolate smoke wafting from a hand-blown decanter (pictured below).  This last was a command performance, a pas de deux of concentrated but seemingly effortless industry.  It topped even Giuseppe’s Mulata Mojito, whose never-ending garnish began with chocolate swizzle sticks and ended umpteen items later with a cascade of gold dust.

Anything after Ohla would have been anticlimactic — with the possible exception of Las Boadas, founded in 1933 by Miguel Boadas Parera upon his return from Havana, where he’d tended bar at La Florida, Constantine Ribalaigua’s legendary “Cradle of the Daiquiri.”  Our heart leapt as we entered Las Boadas to find barmen mixing drinks the old Cuban way, “throwing” them from mixing can to mixing can.  We couldn’t place our order fast enough:  “Daiquirí, por favor!”  Feeling like the victim of a bait-and-switch scam, we watched our Daiquiri being mixed — in a blender.  This, of course, is no sin:  Constantine used a blender for many of his drinks, and so do we.  But our Las Boadas Daiquiri was served slushy in a tall tumbler.  And it was even sweeter than the canned maraschino cherry that topped it.

Fortunately, Ivan had a solution.  He marched us around the corner and through an alley to The Caribbean Club.  Our ruffled feathers were instantly smoothed by walls of dark polished ship’s wood, porthole windows, an extensive cocktail shaker collection, and display cases full of antique nautical curiosities.  Ivan ordered Daiquiris for our party of four — which barman José Antonio made all at once in a large vintage Parisian shaker.  We have read that Constantine measured his drinks so precisely that when he poured from his shaker into a row of glasses, the last drop filled the last glass right to the rim.  So it was with José.  The drink itself was perfect:  tart, strong, frosty.  The bum’s compliments, delivered in broken, dimly remembered high-school Spanish, must have made some sort of sense, as José grinned (whether at our gratitude or our ineptitude, we cannot say) and offered us a shot of one of the extinct rums from the Caribbean Club’s collection.  We chose a limited-edition numbered bottle of 40-year-old Spanish rum, “Ron 1818,” which had sat unmolested on the shelf for so long that it took a pocket knife to pry the top loose.  It took a crowbar to pry us out of José’s hideaway.

KAHALA

TAHITÍ

OHLA BOUTIQUE BAR

CARIBBEAN CLUB

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OUR NIGHTLY BREAD

Berliners do not take their drinking lightly.  A recent week there had us sprawled in our bed at the end of every night, barely able to move.  Fortunately we had company.  Nightly from 12 to 6 a.m., a local TV station aired an unbroken closeup of a dour puppet trapped in a Sartrean void.  His frustrated monologue was in German, so we had no idea who or what he was (a stick of rancid butter?  a moldy sponge?), only that his existential dilemma mirrored our hangover to an alarming degree.

We asked our hosts, Wolfgang and Arta, about him, and learned that he is a loaf of bread named Bernd, and something of a local celebrity.  Relieved that he was not a figment of our alcoholically impaired imagination, we were finally able to focus on other things, namely the German Rum Festival Berlin and Bar Convent Berlin.  Here’s a smattering of what we saw and heard:

Master blender Richard Seale, on distillers who dope their rum with sugar and artificial flavor extracts:  “The rum world is a jungle.  It’s the wild west.  There are no rules.  Anything goes.”

Ian Burrel, at his Pina Colada lecture:  “You can’t drink all day if you don’t start in the morning.”

Angus Winchester, on the co-option of Tiki bars by Caribbean rum marketeers:  “Can pirates be part of Tiki?  No.  Can reggae be part of Tiki? No.”

Gary Regan, opening his seminar on New York bars to a packed house:  “Good afternoon, motherfuckers.”

Angus Winchester again:  “Drinking to get drunk is like fucking to get pregnant.”

Now if you’ll excuse us, we’re ovulating.

 

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COCKTAIL NATION VS. CARRIE NATION

Starting this Sunday, PBS airs a new three-part documentary by Ken Burns (The Civil War, Baseball, Jazz).  Apparently not all the Beachbum’s friends are in low places, because he was recently sent a preview copy.

This time Burns co-directed with Lynn Novick, but all the usual Burns trademarks are there:  compelling archival footage, equally compelling photos, and an epic narrative personalized with stories of famous, infamous, and anonymous people caught in the undertow of American history.

In this case the history is of American drinking, and what happened to it when the decades-long crusade of temperance activists resulted in the Volstead Act.  Prohibition makes an admirable companion piece to what is still the best book on the subject, Herbert Asbury’s 1950 The Great Illusion.  The film serves up some delicious ironies, such as that temperance groups were segregated by both race and gender, and that one bootlegger’s biggest weekly delivery was to the chambers of the U.S. Senate; we also learn that drinking was so pervasive in the early years of the Republic that instead of coffee breaks, American workers took “grog breaks.”

Prohibition clocks in at around 6 hours.  That makes it a short subject for Burns, who spent 18 hours on baseball and almost 19 on jazz.  Which brings us to our sole quibble:  like baseball and jazz, the cocktail was an American cultural phenomenon.  While long on the political, economic, and sociological consequences of Prohibition, nowhere in Prohibition’s 346 minutes do Burns and Novick find time to discuss Prohibition’s effect on the cocktail itself:  how making alcohol illegal between 1920 and 1933 almost destroyed the American mixed drink as a culinary art form.

We could have used a little less about Al Capone (a History Channel perennial) and a little something about the diaspora of America’s mixologists to Havana, London, and Paris — which, coupled with the ghastly drink recipes concocted in speakeasies to mask the taste of bootleg liquor, drastically set back cocktail culture in the country where the cocktail first gained prominence.

On the other hand, as spirits journalist Camper English has pointed out, the vacuum created by Prohibition was filled by Don The Beachcomber and his Tiki drinks — which may never have happened at all if U.S. cocktail bars had continued purring along without the rude interruption of Andrew Volstead and company.

For screening times and DVD info:

“PROHIBITION” ON PBS

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KÖLN TIKI

Köln’s biggest tourist attraction is its cathedral.  But cathedrals hold no interest for the Beachbum:  while it is indeed impressive that Jesus turned water into wine, we prefer rum, and we’d heard that Köln’s bartenders do interesting things with it.  So our first tourist stop in Köln was a bar.  So was our second.  Come to think of it, so was our third.  By the fourth, we felt right at home:  more than any other German city we’ve stumbled our way through, Köln has a thirst for the exotic.

At Onamor, a “cocktail creatorium” run by Alessandro Romano and his wife Conny, the offerings include drinks named after Donn Beach and Trader Vic.  We sampled an Alessandro original called the Rapa Nui Nui (with a name like that, how could we not?), artfully flavored with rosewater, coconut, cardamon, and allspice.  In his Empire Collins, Alessandro crowns cachaca, passion fruit, and lemon with fiery Düwwelaarsch (“Devil’s Ass”) Bitters, hand-crafted by Onamor regular Andreas Rauer.

At Shepheard (pictured above), a bar inspired by the storied Shepheard’s Hotel of Cairo, Stephan Hinz and Attila Kiziltas mix equally intriguing exotic originals.  Every one we tried was sterling, but it was hard not to keep ordering Shepheard’s house specialty, the Suffering Bastard — which one of our personal heroes, Joe Scialom, invented at the original Shepheard’s in 1942.

At Al Salam Orient Lounge, you get the flipside of Shepheard’s Hotel, which catered to British Colonials in Cairo.  Al Salam gives you the Middle Eastern version of the Middle East, both in decor and in your glass:  the talented and wildly creative (the two do not always go hand in hand) bar manager, Mohammad Nazzal, teases his cocktails with jasmine tea, pickled figs, jallab syrup, saffron, and chestnut honey.  Lazeez!

Mohammed won Germany’s Havana Club Academia Del Ron cocktail competition last year, and successfully defended his title this year with a tonka bean-accented Maori Punch (pictured above).  The Bum co-judged the contest, which proved that Köln is not the only German city gone Tiki:  50 contestants from all over Deutschland brought their exotic A-game, deploying everything from caraway-infused rum to a shrunken head garnish made of dried mango.

Eyck Thormann brewed his bespoke falernum a la minute by passing the ingredients through a Mr. Coffee machine, while Bastian Drews went full-tilt vintage by wearing a 1960s tapa-print suit jacket, mixing his drink in a rare 1940s hand-cranked “Rumba” cocktail shaker, and pouring it into 1950s Don The Beachcomber’s coconut mugs.  Indica Silva opted for a real coconut, into which he poured homemade traditional sugarless Sri Lankan coconut cream, vanilla-cardamom syrup, apricot puree, lime, and a blend of two different Havana Cub rums.

Axel Klubescheidt, from the heavily industrial Ruhr Valley, churned his drink with an industrial-strength swizzle stick that he’d welded out of rebar.  Not to be outdone, Sebastian Stamm sat the judges on the floor and guided them through a communal Fiji kava bowl ceremony.

Come to think of it, maybe we should have gone to that cathedral after all — to pray that all these guys keep thinking Tiki.  They’re the best thing to happen to Germany since Sven Kirsten.

ONAMOR

SHEPHEARD BAR

AL SALAM ORIENT LOUNGE

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BUM STEERS

The Beachbum may not be in the chips, but at least he’s in the news.

For the current issue of Saveur magazine, he wrote a five-page spread about his favorite subject:  rum.  The article also features seven cocktail recipes, both classic and contemporary, plus brand recommendations.  You can read it all here (minus the recommendations, which the online edition omits).

Also, Jason Horn hits us up for some blender drink tips over at liquor.com.

Also also, Judy Walker provides a summary judgement our recent Mai Tai seminar in New Orleans at nola.com.

Speaking of Mai Tais, Jen Russo recounts the “Battle For The World’s Best Mai Tai,” a cocktail competition which the Bum co-judged in Hawaii two weeks ago, at mauidish.com.

Imbibe magazine features our new Tiki-Ti 5-0 recipe in the current “Summer of Tiki” cover story (pictured above).  It’s not available online, but Ian Lauer reprints the recipe in his estimable home-bartending blog Tempered Spirits.

And if you’d rather hear lyrics about Tiki drinks than read articles about them, the NYC-based band Rock ‘N’ Roll Monkey And The Robots has a song for you on their new CD, “Spooky Kooky Attic Static” (pictured above).  Their track “Sippin’ Safari” is an homage to the Bum’s eponymous fourth book; somehow they even managed to find a word that rhymes with “Safari.”  Can “orange” be far behind?

 

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