SEX AND DEATH AND TAXES

T.S. Eliot wrote that April is the cruelest month.  He wasn’t thinking about taxes, but you probably are.  To ease your pain (which the Bum does not feel, because one does not worry about income tax when one has no income), here are two new Tiki punches to sip while wrestling with Form 1040.

First up is the winner of the Tales Of The Cocktail “Tiki Punch-up” competition, a drink called Death In The South Pacific.  The Bum co-judged this contest, which asked bartenders to come up with a Tikified variation on the Planter’s Punch using multiple rums, citrus, and sweeteners a la Donn Beach — whose most famous Tiki drink, the Zombie, is basically a turbo-charged Planter’s.

Seattle bartender Evan Martin trumped the other 150 entrants with this formula:  1/2 ounce each fresh lime juice, fresh lemon juice, Fee Brothers grenadine, Grand Marnier, and Cruzan Black Strap rum; 3/4 ounce each Appleton Extra Jamaican rum and Clément VSOP Martinique rum; 1/3 ounce each Trader Tiki orgeat syrup and Fee Brothers falernum; and three scant dashes Absinthe.  To make one drink, place everything except grenadine and Black Strap into a tall glass and fill with crushed ice; swizzle to frost glass, then pour in grenadine. Overfill the glass with more crushed ice, then float the Black Strap.  Evan’s clever “hanged man” garnish (pictured above) sports a cherry head, fruit-peel limbs, and a bamboo-skewer spine.

“The drink’s name is a play on Love in the South Pacific and Death in the Afternoon,” explains Evan, who felt his potent punch “needed a name that gave as much warning as the Zombie.”

So you’ve downed a Death In The South Pacific, but you still feel ire for the IRS?  Time for a Concubine, by Dave “Basement Kahuna” Wolfe.  Dave carves Tikis in Athens, Georgia, where he “designed the recipe as the signature drink at my home bar, the Kon Tiki Paradise Room.”  From there word spread of the Concubine’s charms, and she eventually found herself on the cocktail menus of Augusta’s Hale Tiki and Chicago’s Shangri-La, prompting Dave to design a cobalt blue Tiki mug for his concoction (pictured above, photo courtesy Nicole Desmond).

To conjure a Concubine, into your shaker pour 3 ounces each grapefruit juice and El Dorado 12-year Demerara rum, 1 ounce Licor 43, 1/2 ounce each fresh lime juice and passion fruit syrup, 1 teaspoon grenadine, and 4 drops Pernod.  Fill with crushed ice, shake, and pour unstrained into a Concubine mug or tall glass.  Garnish with a large pineapple chunk and fresh mint.

The Concubine “has a really weird unexplainable sneaky effect, hence the name,” says Dave.  “A very seductive and sexy lady, but you damned sure better watch your wallet through the night!”

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THE IDLERS OF MARCH

January was one long New Year’s hangover.  Having to deal with Valentine’s Day shot February all to hell.  Now here you are, three months into 2010 with nothing accomplished.  You, friend, are one of the Idlers Of March.  And you have a lot more time to kill before April, so please allow us to suggest some shirking strategies.

Our first procrastination destination is idler extraordinaire Matt Robold’s Rum Dood site, which features a new Beachbum Berry interview.

Second, Saveur magazine’s current issue features a story on that temple of slack, Los Angeles’s Tiki-Ti.

Third, glorious goldbrick Doug Winship concludes a month-long series on Tiki drinks with a Grog Log review on his Pegu Blog.

Finally, allow the Beachbum to waste a half-hour of your unvaluable time this Thursday, March 11, during a live call-in radio podcast with his pal and publisher, Dan Vado.  Dan’s Club Tiki Press has published the Bum’s books since 1998, and now he’s rolling out our latest effort (for want of a better word, which we’re too lazy to look up), Beachbum Berry Remixed.  (UPDATE:  podcast archived below.)

SLG PODCAST

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OVERSEAS OVER ICE

Rum, rum, rum.  Aren’t we just a teensy bit tired of reading about its resurgence by now?  Well, no.  We couldn’t be happier that our favorite dram is finally getting its due.  And not just in the press, but in cocktails too.  Here are three new rum drinks from three of our favorite European mixologists.

We take you first to London’s swellegant Connaught Bar, where Erik Lorincz has come up with something truly new:  a cocktail paired with its own newspaper.  “I have read that the essence of what it means to be Cuban is to accept the inevitabilities of human existence,” says Erik, “that we are born and must die, and to make the very best of the life in between and have as good a time as possible.”  With this Hemingway-esque attitude in mind, Erik set about creating a drink that “would be equally at home in the most elegant London cocktail bar or at the Malecon in Havana with music, laughter and tobacco smoke in the air.”  In the process, he couldn’t help wondering “what Hemingway would be doing while sipping my drink — reading his email or listening to his iPod?  No, most probably he’d be reading his newspaper.  So I created a paper called ‘Malecon’ named after my drink, where you can find little stories about each ingredient.”

Those ingredients are:  50ml (1 2/3 ounces) Bacardi Superior rum, 15ml (1/2 ounce) Smithwood 10-year port wine, 10ml (1/3 ounce) Don Jose Oloroso sherry, 30ml (1 ounce) lime juice, 2 barspoons caster sugar, and 3 drops Peychaud’s Bitters.   Shake with ice, then fine-strain into a crystal coupette with one large ice cube.  (Drink pictured above, with newspaper chaser.)

Across the Channel, bartender Piotr “P.J.” Kuzmicki is bringing Tiki to Belgium at Antwerp’s Cocktails At Nine.  “It’s a classic cocktail bar,” P.J. tells us, “but I’m also very interested in Tiki cocktails and I would like to learn more about them.”  After sampling his Piotr’s Punch, we can safely say that P.J. is a quick study.  Recipe: Into your shaker pour 5 cl (1 2/3 ounces) Appleton Extra 12-year rum, 3 cl (1 ounce) each fresh lime juice and fresh grapefruit juice, 2 cl (2/3 ounce) each passion fruit syrup and Velvet falernum, and 1 barspoon each cinnamon syrup and Fee Brothers peach bitters.  (That’s right, a whole barspoon of bitters — trust us, it works!)  Shake with ice, then strain into an old-fashioned glass filled with fresh ice.

Spain’s foremost Tiki evangelist, Ivan Castro, concocted his latest drink not by the numbers, but by the letters:  “I happen to be a member of a typographical secret society called Lletraferits — which means ‘hurt by the letters.’ Once a year, we meet for a weekend to talk about typography, show off vintage print specimens we’ve collected, and compare new fonts we’ve designed. Other things we do are ‘what’s this type’ quizzes and getting drunk.”  The members come from all over Spain to “a rural house in a very small village in the interior of Catalonia called La Pobla de Cèrvoles, surrounded by vineyards and olive trees.  Tiki is somewhat familiar to graphic designers, so last year the organizers asked me to throw a Tiki party.”   While creating a new drink for the party, the Cèrvoles Grog, Ivan hit on the notion of using a rustic Catalonian liqueur called ratafia.

Here’s the result:  Into a shaker filled with crushed ice, pour 1 ounce each gold Puerto Rican rum and ratafia (we used Russet brand), 3/4 ounce fresh lemon juice, and 2 teaspoons cinnamon syrup.  Shake, then pour unstrained into a highball glass and garnish with a mint sprig.  Says Ivan (pictured above at the party, in mid-shake), “It’s a sweet spicy drink OK for the cold weather in that place.”  We’ll take one over a sweater any day.

CONNAUGHT BAR

COCKTAILS AT NINE

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GREECE IS THE WORD

The secluded Greek island of Antiparos is known for the golden sands and crystal clear water of its unspoiled beaches.  This June and July, it will also be known as the location of “Bum Berry’s And Captain Vadrna’s Faux-tropical Bar School.”

Yep, you heard right.  The Beachbum finally got himself a job.  Along with internationally acclaimed mixologist and professional bartending evangelist Stan Vadrna, the Bum will be teaching everything he’s learned in 20 years of researching Tiki drinks and culture.

You can read more about it here.  And here’s the official site:

BUM BERRY’S & CAPTAIN VADRNA’S FAUX-TROPICAL BAR SCHOOL

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A LUAU IN THE LIBRARY

Odds are that Tiki restaurateur Stephen Crane — professional gambler, serial husband, and owner of The Luau, a raucous midcentury movie-star hangout — didn’t own a library card.  But that doesn’t faze Emily Griffin of the Crawfordsville, Indiana, District Public Library.

Since September, the reference librarian has been researching Crane’s life for a library exhibit (pictured above).  “Crane was born and raised in Crawfordsville, before moving to Hollywood in 1939,” Ms. Griffin told the Bum.  “At first, the project was simply to research one week when he brought his wife, Lana Turner, to Crawfordsville, and the focus of our project was definitely on Lana Turner.”  But after reading about him in Lana’s autobiography and his daughter Cheryl’s memoir, “I realized what a fascinating life Stephen Crane led and focused my project solely on his life.”  Along the way, Ms. Griffin was bitten by the Tiki bug:  “I’ve even purchased some Kon Tiki and Luau items for my own collection.”

She’s also collected oral histories:  “I have interviewed former school classmates, locals who met Steve and Lana in October 1943, and just recently, I had the pleasure to talk with Bob Esmino and Ray Barrientos, former bar managers of Steve Crane.”

Bob and Ray also feature prominently in Beachbum Berry’s Sippin’ Safari, which tells Crane’s story in Chapter Seven.  But Ms. Griffin has dug far deeper than the Bum.  Her exhibit includes Crane’s high school report cards and college yearbook; best of all, she somehow managed to unearth a clip of Crane acting in the 1944 film Cry Of The Werewolf.

You can see all this and more at the Crawfordsville District Public Library website:

STEPHEN CRANE LIBRARY EXHIBIT

BEACHBUM BERRY’S SIPPIN’ SAFARI

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