Let’s make one thing perfectly clear right up front: we love mock speakeasies. We love bartenders who wear bowler hats, Jerry Thomas facial hair, and sleeve garters. Even more than the theatricality, we love the ceremony of watching a vintage cocktail being scrupulously and lovingly brought back to life before our eyes. It’s what makes going to a bar better than drinking at home with the TV droning in the background.
Which is what we did last night. With a Planter’s Punch in one hand and the remote in the other, we happened on a basic cable sitcom called The League, about a group of fantasy football players. Our fantasies have nothing to do with football, but we put down the remote when one character, a metrosexual named Andre (pictured above) who chases all the latest trends, announced that “I’ve been studying mixology.” Then he invited the group to a “mixology party” at his loft — or, as he renamed it for the party, “Andre’s Speakeasy.”
At the party he pulled out all the craft cocktail stops, from chipping a big block of ice to giving a running commentary as he demo’d a drink for his guests: “My muddling is going to be much more rewarding to your palate … We’re making the drink on every single level…”
Unimpressed, the group poured themselves vodka shots and made sport of their host’s pre-Prohibition bartender’s outfit (“You look like a Deadwood character at a Justin Bieber concert”). Oh, and the drink? It’s name was “The Poser’s Demise.”
For all the reasons we stated at the top of this post, we would hate to see the end of the olde tyme cocktail bar trend. But we have seen the future, and it’s not mock speakeasies. It’s mocking speakeasies.